Thursday, August 28, 2025

"Lysistrada"

Storytime: about that time when, as a hooker, I came up with the idea for the "Lysistrada Mutual Care Collective Fund".

Yet another set of draconian anti-sex work bills (SESTA and FOSTA,) had just passed. These bills effectively eliminated, or at the very least, greatly hampered our abilities to advertise more safely online, and even worse, they caused the shut down of a website that we had used to check if a potential client had had any reports of violence against a worker in the past, placing us all in even greater danger. 

Many of us were having a difficult time adapting to these changes, and the increased dangers in which they'd resulted. I had never been very good at working online, and took these changes as an opportunity to start working on the street, or, "the stroll". At the time, I'd been volunteering for the Lower East Side Harm Reduction Coalition doing street outreach, and I often used my HRC bag and supplies, as a sort of cover, ie, if I was questioned by the cops, I was in the area doing outreach, not working.  

During this time, I got to meet workers that either hadn't fit into the more privileged circles of "sugar babies", and "escorts" I'd known, from our "sex workers' pot lucks", (yes, it was a thing, ) or who, like me, had had to adapt, and begin freestyling in hotel bars, or working on the stroll. 

I'd organised a biweekly support group for workers, and one night, listening to one woman's story, I had had an idea: "We should organise a group that workers would pay into, whatever we can each afford, sort of like what Workman's Circle used to be, and if a member of the community becomes ill, or is in jail or prison, or gets beaten up, or raped, and can't work, the fund could be there to help them."

Immediately, the idea was popular, and it was decided that in addition, we'd organise child care, clothing swaps, and collect, and distribute harm reduction supplies.  

I'll unabashedly admit that it was a wonderful idea, and really, one of the highest points in my life, but unfortunately, as an Autistic, I've always missed out on signs of impending danger, and the buzzards were already circling.  

As soon as we'd gotten off the ground, a woman I'd been dating, Lily, approached us, telling us that someone with whom she'd done "doubles", a Dominican woman named "Bambi", who, like her, was a single mother trying to get custody of her child, had been arrested, and was in Ryker's.

The group was abuzz with our first mission! Bambi was going to need around 14,000.00 for lawyer's fees and miscellaneous other costs of survival. 

As the group got busy crowdfunding, I began to become suspicious: Lily was acting weird, and parts of her story were inconsistent. 

Knowing that whether my suspicions were correct or not, it would be the end of Lily's and my friendship/dating, I informed the rest of the board of my feeling, that we were being scammed.

As it turned out, I was right. "Bambi" had been wholly a product of Lily's manufacture. 

What I'd not counted on, was that eventhough I was the one to bring her scam to the group's attention, I would be scapegoated, and  blamed for having brought her in, in the first place, and I was ousted. 

It later, it came to my attention that a worker who lives in Toronto, who was a rabid antisemite, (and with whom Lily had had an affair,) had been hard at work spreading rumours about me in the community, and when a friend of mine raised the fact that my ousting had been done in a particularly cruel and unfair way, (there was a lot of overlap between the sex work and Queer communities, and when I'd been ousted from Lysistrada, I also lost most of my access in the Queer community,) she was told, "well, that zio bitch is problematic, anyway, fuck her". 

I tried to kill myself with a Xanax overdose. I'd started feeling like shit all the time, physically months before, and had recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, and, having survived my latest attempt, I went to bed, and didn't get up for 16 months.

To the best of my knowledge, Lysistrada still exists, and does some vitally important work, but from what I understand, I've been written out of the organisation's story. 


Saturday, August 23, 2025

24.08.2025 ii

I've followed you here 

Barefoot and dry  

Collecting the stones

You've dropped behind.




24.08.2025

We are haunted women.


We carry our dead mothers' backs 

fatted slabs         strapped

slapdash, stapled, or

Pinned to our own. Only mine 

I have chosen to surgically graft;

it could never have been 

any other way. 

Saturday, August 16, 2025

Brown

Brown.. Brown..

Settle down, lest you drown, or

Run aground 

A moment's whiff 

Might find you nude

But not for lacking

Any good. Brown?

Brown, settle down, or

I can see you

run aground

But as you gaze

Out past the mound

Enjoin the crowd,

"Come!" Bid them, "bow"

Brown.. Hey, Brown,

Look around

Your walls have all but

Fallen down. 

Pothos

My Golden Pothos strives so hard, to 

Grace the sun-dappled Persian rug

With elegant tendrils, she senses her world, 

Exploring beyond her small side-table


It's almost as if she'd no idea, that 

Once her soft leaves reach the floor 

I'll cut them off

Replant them anew

Maybe in another room

Beneath another warm, bright window 

Where the process will begin again


This is how it has always been 

Having been born, was the primary sin. 

Thursday, August 14, 2025

14.08.2025

I think I'm dying, and

Not in the way that we all are

But maybe


Exactly in the same way that we

All Are. 

I think I'm dying, and


I can't explain, but it's a 

Sense of the end of things, and it's quiet, 

But nudge-y


I think I'm dying

And, the

Air outside is dense and


Hot, and almost orange like gaseous lava,

And from my window today, I can 

Barely even make out the Krayot across the Bay 


I think I'm dying

But right now, ice is 

Noisily cracking in a sweating glass beside me, and my 


Cold coffee is just, *chef's kiss* 

And as of yesterday, my 

Nails are all painted "Cherry-Pop Red", (both hands and feet!)


I think I'm dying

But this morning I got a 

Text, that some package from Temu  is 


Awaiting my pick-up at Hop Li, and 

On my livingroom wall, 

The sun, through my partially shuddered window has drawn a


Perfect rendering of the tree outside, 

Where the fruit bats hang, and besides, 

Just yesterday, in Shufersal, 


I finally bought a new bag of a 

Shabbat candles– a hundred of them

They only last 4 hours, but


Who'm I trying to kid? 

These days I've unfailingly

Eaten, and am in bed, long before 


They'll burn themselves out.

I think

I'm dying, but maybe 


I still have some surprises left to look forward to,  and

Even if this annoying sense is right,  and 

I am dying, 


My plants still all need watering

This summer's heat has been

Hard on them, too. 



Friday, August 01, 2025

Things That Were Left Behind

All these things that were

Left behind


My mother-in-law's wedding ring,  

(a strange, egg-shaped silver thing) 


My Dad's watches, and 

The fat black fountain pen that always leaked     


The Beatles records

For whom at least one, 

They'd stood on line 

On a Winter, Pittsburgh sidewalk 

Waiting to buy


(my Mom's fat belly 

Protruding from her coat

already with me 

And this poem inside)


Books whose spines had been

Silent friends

Eventhough their stories, re-

mained obscured


Oil paintings, and sketches 

And a brick-red bust 

From my Mom's 

and/or Dad's university friends


These things, too carelessly, swept aside

Breadcrumbs that I've 

Left behind, can 


Never again 

Lead me back

And there is no "back" 

And at any rate


were all too sweet

for the birds to resist

Or the transatlantic winds 

To allow to persist.